Friday, April 3, 2009

The Husband is Away, The Wife Will... What?

My husband travels for his job. Not a horrible amount but enough to make things a bit more interesting.

He used to be in the Marine Corps. That's where we met. That's when we fell in love. I got very used to absences, waiting for him, loving him from afar, learning to love being alone.

When he became a civilian we vainly hoped that it would mean the last of his travels.

HAHA.. Not so.

He got a civilian job that required him to travel more than he ever did for the military. I coped, just like I did while he was in the military.

And here we are. Four years and one kid later and I'm still coping.

The funny thing about being the wife of a civilian traveler is that people don't seem to give a crap. Tell people your husband is away on training or a deployment for the military and you'll get more support and encouragement than you could even imagine. Tell someone your husband's gone for a month on a civilian job and you might get an, "Awww, that's too bad." People seem to be under the impression that wives who give up their husbands for civilian jobs don't miss them as much as those who give them up to government ones.

Having had it both ways, let me be the first to say that the bed is just as empty, the things that are too heavy to be moved stay in their spot, the house feels just as alone, the things that need to be fixed are still in need or repair, the phone still can't replace the hugs and kisses. The loneliness is the same.

My husband and I used to tease that he should go back in the Marines so that we could see each other again. He tried the Reserves for a while, but it just wasn't the Corps he had known and loved. For him it was an all or nothing thing. He wanted to be there for his children so he went back to civilian life.

I'd shudder to say that he's not here for his son because he is. He loves his little boy with every fiber of his being and he's here when he can be, but sometimes he can't be.

And this is how I get things off my chest. Writing is how I figure things out, laugh at myself, share my experience, heal when necessary.

So here I am, a wife, home alone with our son, trying to make the best of it.

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