Home Repairs: WIFE STYLE

So, when there's a crack in the back door letting in copious amounts of freezing cold air (and letting out all of my warm air) and the plumbing under the sink is going out, what do you do?

Those are MAN jobs, right? I mean, my job is to cook, sweep, do laundry, you know, girl stuff.

But, when the hubs is out making a living for the family sometimes us gals have to get creative.

I don't know the first thing about plumbing. All I know is that every time I run the water in my kitchen sink I have to make sure there is a bucket underneath of the drain to catch all the run-off water. But, hey, I'm a smart gal, I can learn.

I stick my head under the sink and have a look around.

I turn on the water to get a sense of where exactly the problem is.

As the water bubbles out over a connector in a pipe I'm having fun turning it this way and that, making it worse, temporarily making it better, making it worse again.

My bucket is filling up nicely.

Then, HAHA. If I hold it JUST LIKE THIS, no more leak. But I very well can't stay under my kitchen sink for the next week and a half until someone comes to assist me (unless, by some miracle, God gives my four-month-old the sudden dexterity, understanding, desire and plumbing skills necessary to lend aide to his mother).

I look at Garrett. Nope, he's happily grinning away in his high-chair, sucking on his teething keys.

It's all up to you, Mommy.

I let go. Water rushes over the connector and into my bucket.

Because I've spent way to much time around Marines I can have a very colorful vocabulary when the time calls for it.

This time called for it.

My son laughs.

But, all hope is not lost. My husband has somewhat of an obsession with zip-ties. You know, the little plastic loopy-things that make GREAT make-shift handcuffs.

I run off and grab the whole bag. This is, after all, a serious repair.

Three zip-ties, a few more curse words, some creative angling, grunting and growling and VIOLA! no more leaking. I'm not sure what my husband will be more proud of, the fact that I fixed the leak or that I used zip-ties to do it with.

Now, on to the door.

First, a little back story.

When we bought the house the back door was not-so-cleverly sealed off with paint as it was not necessary. A beautiful set of french doors to the left of the back door made a sufficient entrance. At least the paint did a good enough job that it kept the winter air out and the heated air in and that was pretty much all I cared about.

However, when it came time to get a washing machine into the basement the only option was the back door. My husband went to work one afternoon, chipping away the paint and then ramming his shoulder into the door like you see in bad kung-fu movies until it finally gave way.

I hear a crash, LOTS of thudding on the stairs and a final, rather ominous finale of a boom in the basement followed by, "Umm, honey, I got the door open."

I figured as much.

The washing machine was dilivered, and we tried shutting the back door only to realize that there is no weather sealing or even a doorknob with which to keep the weather out.

It was a sunny day, it didn't matter.

Then my husband leaves and the temperature drops.

Not only can I see day-light coming through every crack around this door, but walking past it is like walking through a cold-air wind-tunnel. I don't even want to know how much energy we are wasting by having this door unsealed. Not to mention that when I sit in my rocking chair with my son I can feel the gusts of cold air sweeping over both of us and the heater kicking on for the one-hundredth time that hour.

This needs to be addressed.

DUCT TAPE TO THE RESCUE!

Hey, it works for everything else, why not a back door?

Out into a bitter-cold April morning I go with duct tape in hand. I tape off all cracks from the outside then rush in and stand over a heating vent for ten minutes before I take masking tape (it's prettier and matches the paint on the door better) to the cracks on the inside.

To my delight, it works!

I have not felt a single draft from that door all day and walking past it induces no chills, fevers, sniffles or pnumonia.

It looks ugly as sin and soon I will demand that it is properly caulked off or, better yet, just made into a wall with real insolation and everything, but for now, duct tape works.

I'm on a roll. Next up? The breaks on the car.....