Why I Chose The Galaxy Note 10.1 Over The iPad

When it came time for me to admit that I needed to downgrade from a laptop I decided a tablet was for me. The caviot was that I had never used a tablet before outside of the few moments playing Angry Birds on one at a cell phone store while waiting for my data transfer to be done on my upgraded cell phone, which, by the way, just happened to be a Samsung Galaxy.

I decided I wanted a tablet because I wanted even more portability than a laptop could afford. I was tred of trying to balance my laptop on the edge of the couch just to read an article but even a Kindle Fire e-reader frustrated me with its limitations. I still wanted to surf the internet, edit, post and take pictures.

I started my search by polling my friends on facebook and the overwhelming opinion was that I should get an iPad. Since I already had a MacBookPro that seemed like a reasonable suggestion. I decided to keep an open mind to other options, however, and began searching the internet for other tablet options. I looked at Asus, Google, Sony, Apple, and couldn't find a tablet that had it all--at least not all that I wanted but the iPad was the closest. I decided the iPad was it. The only thing left was to go to a place like Best Buy and try it out before I bought it.

I got to Best Buy's tablet counter and was immediately greeted by a clerk eager to help me out. He asked me a lot of questions as to my intended purpose with my tablet. He asked me about my music preferences, movie watching, experience with tablets and much more. He was just about to agree with me about getting an iPad when I asked, "Now, is there any third party apps or products that allow my to write on the iPad like a notebook?"

He said, "I'm sure there are, but have you considered the Samsung Galaxy Note?"

I knew Samsung made the phone they called the Note with a stylus but I had no idea they had made that into a tablet.

It didn't take me long to fall in love.

What are the things that sold me?

1. SNote and the SPen.
I could spend hours (and probably will) playing in SNote. I'm drawing pictures, editing, writing. It's so much fun. While I'm sure that there are comparable apps and products for the iPad, it comes standard with the Galaxy Note 10.1 which makes it a bonus for the money. I also love the fact that you can turn off all input except for the pen so that you can write with your hand resting on the screen and not have to worry about accidental scribbles, lines and input confusion.

It also has a handwriting-to-type option that allows you to write with the pen just like you would on a piece of paper and the tablet converts it into type. It is amazingly accurate and kind of fun though I still haven't gotten used to it or figured out in which context I would use it. Shopping lists, perhaps?

2. SD card storage.
The Galaxy is very competitively priced with the iPad. However, when you buy the iPad the amount of storage is the amount of storage. If you want more storage you need to buy a bigger iPad. Not so with the Note. I can buy any size of SD card I want and be happy with the extra storage without having to buy a different machine.

3. Widgets
One thing I was willing to give up by going to the iPad was my widgets. I'm not a huge widget user but the widgets I do use I use daily. My calendar and weather widgets on my phone are my go-to widgets for the start of my day. I was a little bummed to not be able to have my widgets on the iPad but what is it really to make a tap or two to the info you want? It was a sacrifice I was willing to make. Then I saw the widgets on the Note. I won't lie. Seeing the option for widgets made me happy.

4. Front facing speakers
Let's face it, speakers on tablets and phones generally stink. You find yourself with your hand cupped under your machine to try to direct the sound to the front where it belongs. To have two (not just one) speakers that already face you is just awesome and they sound great.

5. Camera with a flash
I'll admit it, I'm a shudder bug. I have two kids and I take way too many pictures of them. To have a flash for those less-than-ideal picture moments is great. The iPad still doesn't have a flash and I'm not sure why. Both have the front view cameras for face time or Skype though.

6. Photoshop
The iPad has iPhoto for editing photos into those charming works of art though even those who have iPhoto seem to use third party editing software more than iPhoto. Having used Photoshop in school and for many years after I am well aware of the potential of Photoshop. I didn't expect it to be so good, however. It's not just generalized editing. It is the full potential of Photoshop to include layers, color replacement and so much more. This is a program I expected to be something I would have to pay big bucks for. Instead I learned it was included. It is more complicated than iPhoto but the results are amazing and there are tutorials to help users use the program to its full potential.

7. Immediate screen shots ready to be edited
When I asked the Best Buy employee how to take a screen shot on the iPad we both stared at the machine for a solid minute before we decided it was certainly possible b6t neither of us could figure out how. I've since learned that you simply have to hold down the power button and press the home button--easy. But what's easier than a button on the screen? There is a button next to the home button and the navigate button that looks like a little screen with a star in it. Touch that and you have a screen shot. But that's not nearly as good as taking screen shots with the SPen. There is a button on the SPen. Hold down that button and touch the screen and "CLICK" you have a screen shot. Then, an editing program automatically opens that allows you to draw on, crop and basically edit the image before you can share it via and number of common outlets.

8. Multiscreen Mode
I don't know if the iPad has this feature or not, but the Galaxy can go duo-mode on me. And I LOVE it! I'm a researcher and note taker. It is not unlike me at all to be reading a book and decide I want to look a fact up on the internet or write a note about what I just read. Yeah, I could close out of my book or switch between it and the internet and/or get out the traditional pen and paper or I could tap a button that splits my screen in half and gives me the option to open the internet or SNote and do my research and take my notes without ever leaving my page. Maybe I want to take a picture of what I just read or saw, point out something funny and send it off to a friend. All possible without ever closing my source of inspiration. I've even found myself with step-by-step drawing instructions on one screen with SNote on the other, whipping out cartoons. And more fun is sure to come.

9. Lightweight
One of the reasons I wanted a tablet to begin with is I wanted something I could sit on the couch with and use with one hand while I nursed my daughter. Or something I could prop up on the kitchen counter with a recipe from the internet without losing counter space or having to worry about getting flour in my keyboard. Of course both the iPad and the Galaxy Note 10.1 are lightweight but the Galaxy is a few ounces less than the iPad. Something to note for those intending on holding it for a long time.

10. Battery Life
When I got the Note 10.1 it was at 29% battery life. It was around 3 in the afternoon and the tablet survived being played with until around 9 pm that night. I plugged it in. It charged completely overnight and at 9 the next morning I unplugged it and began using it almost non-stop. I was drawing, surfing the internet, taking video and pictures, editing video and pictures, listening to Pandora while I cleaned, letting my son play with a coloring book app, downloading apps, typing, reading books and personalizing the many home screens. When I finally gave up and went to bed at 10 pm the battery still had 20% left. The next morning I got up at 7 and started writing my shopping list in SNote. Somewhere around 8 am I got a low battery warning and was advised to plug in my tablet but I have no doubt I could have continued to use it for another hour. That is roughly 14 hours of constant usable and a full 25 hours between charges. To say I was impressed is an understatement. I was blown away. I'm lucky if my laptop gets 4 hours between charges and even my cell phone needs to be charged at least every 8 hours and that's with very minimal usage.

I read somewhere that tablets are luxury items because they cannot replace laptops or cell phones. True, I cannot type as fast or accurately on the tablet as I can my laptop and even though there is a "print" option in my tablet options I have not figure out how to get it to print to my wireless printer, something that is not a problem with my laptop. Obviously, I cannot make phone calls on the tablet and since I didn't opt for a tablet with built in cellular coverage, once I leave my house or any other wireless hotspot everything that requires internet effectively dies but such is the case with my laptop as well and if I were to get a mobile hotspot on my phone that would no longer be an issue. Not to mention one can throw a stone in any direction in most towns and hit at least two mobile hotspots, including places like Burger King, Starbucks, McDonalds and others.

I was able to write most of this blog on the tablet only switching to my MaBookPro when I got the low battery warning on my tablet. I find the typing easy enough but I wished I could prop it up just a little better. Since I didn't buy any kind of case yet I have been experimenting with the best ways to hold, prop, type and otherwise position my tablet while preforming different functions. I know I will eventually be getting a keyboard folio of some sorts to accompany my tablet and allow me the option to make it into a pseudo-laptop when needed which will effectively make my laptop obsolete.

I know I'm a little enamored right now and we'll see how much I'm still loving my tablet in a few weeks. But I think, for now, I've made a very solid choice in which tablet I thought was best for my needs.

Galaxy Note 10.1 all the way!

Why do stores not decorate for Thanksgiving?

Stores sell merchandize. Their goal is to get a profit. And almost anything can be merchandized (and is). The two holidays that engulf Thanksgiving are two of the most merchandized holidays in existence.

One of these holidays is Halloween, a holiday centered around costume parties, candy and a social permission to explore your darker side with scary movies. Decorations of pumpkins, ghosts, haunted houses, costumes for the latest movie, bags of candy. What's left not to merchandize?

On the other end we have Christmas. The most merchandized holiday of the year. It all started with the magi and we've been gift giving ever since. This is the one time of year that stores can literally merchandize everything because absolutely everything is up for grabs. On top of the compulsion to find that perfect gift for every individual you know, there are also Christmas trees, wreaths, bulbs, lights, stockings, plastic Santas and snow men to put in your front yard because you're too lazy or there's not enough snow to make a real one (Curse you, global warming!!).

Anyway, it makes perfect business sense that stores would be getting people thinking about these two holidays almost as soon as possible. While strolling through WalMart in September for toothpaste you see the bright orange boxes and Halloween masks hanging on the wall and think, "Wow, it's almost Halloween. That's a really good price on bags of KitKats. I should grab two."

Then you eat them both before Halloween and have to stop and get more the night before all those trick-or-treaters show up at your door.

Not to mention you have the post-holiday 50% off sale and while walking the aisles on your way to getting toilet paper you see the adorable raven and bat lantern that was $4. You take it home for $2 feeling like you've gotten a good deal even though somewhere in your head you known that WalMart probably got it in bulk for 50 cents a lantern. (True Story.. That lantern is sitting on my kitchen counter and looking cute while doing it, too.)

And not only can you pick up those 50% off Halloween items, but down the aisle you can also get your pick of Christmas lights and tree toppers in one stop because at 12:00 am on November 1, the midnight staff of your local WalMart was rolling out their Christmas stock and rearranging the store to house it all.

But what about Thanksgiving? Why is it overlooked?

Because you can't merchandize thankfulness. It's one of the very few ideas that actually challenges people not to spend but rather to sit back and appreciate what one has.

Yeah, you might see the occasional cartoon cut out pilgrim and talking turkey gag gift and but for the elegant, fall colored tablecloths and loads of frozen turkeys, there's nothing to sell to make someone feel like they are in the Thanksgiving spirit. You don't have to buy the perfect costume or the biggest, shiniest tree. You don't have to make your house look the ghoulishist on the block or the brightest. There's no candy to give out and no picky aunt to satisfy. All there is to eat, watch football and appreciate what you already have.

I, for one, am okay with Thanksgiving being cast aside by the merchandizing kings. Why? Because it should be left alone. Yes, I wish there were more social reminders of its approaching and more time spent celebrating and appreciating it and maybe at least a week after Halloween before we start seeing Christmas decorations out of respect. I'd love to walk into a store and just see a banner that said, "Be Thankful." But, that wouldn't encourage people to spend, would it, so what's the point?

So, we'll just have to stop relying on (or getting angry at) stores for dictating our holidays. 

We can celebrate Thanksgiving far better than they can anyway and we can do it without spending a dime.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Be Thankful! 

My Vision for My Daughter's Room

At this present time my daughter, Olivia, has no bedroom. She is eight months old and still sleeps nestled between her father and I in our bed. She has no crib, no bed, no toys specifically for her, no books and nothing but her clothes to remind her of her femininity.

She just recently acquired a dresser that was hastily refurbished by her loving mother but other than that her little life is afloat in a house of chaos her mother is on a mission to organize, decorate and define... including a space for her.

My son's room will eventually be Olivia's. We've known that from the day I found out I was pregnant with her which happened to be long before it was even finished being constructed. We also knew, however, that until she was ready to claim that room and her brother was ready to move downstairs to our now library, office and guest bedroom, he would be in that room and eventually they may be cohabiting that room. Because of this we tried for gender neutral in the paint color we chose for the walls.

The color we chose was "crocodile tears." A soft, almost moss green that is exceptionally neutral but goes well with my favorite colors: red and blue.

I admit to defeat in that I still have not made the room into a boys room for my son, Garrett, either. With bare walls and windows the room is his by name only and not by some form of boyhood identification. He doesn't even have a dresser. A toddler bed, a box of toys and a fish tank are all that make his room his. I hope to rectify that as well but in a way that can make for an easy transition when the time comes to move his boyhood down to his new room and allow Olivia to take full possession of the space she will soon be sharing with her brother as we transition her from our space.


Nothing against pink, and lots against princesses, with reds and blues in mind I've decided that my theme for Olivia will be "Strong Women." ... I have decided to construct the style of her future living space around this image and/or idea...

 

I LOVE the bold reds and blue that will already go perfectly with the space and the yellow is just the added pop that will set the room apart. 

And it opens up possibilities of adding images like these:

Again, lots of red and blue and bright yellow. I'm currently on a hunt for more strong female characters that have these colors in them. I'm not being picky about the characters either. They can be cartoons, real, fictitious, motivational posters, I don't care, just as long as they contain the colors I'm looking for and the idea of a strong, independent, capable female. I may use them all or only one or two. I'm not sure. I just want to see what I can find for now. 

I never had a bedroom that was "mine." I shared a bedroom with my sisters until I was 12 when my brother left for the Navy and I moved into his room complete with deer heads, bull whips, rifles and posters of westerns on the walls.

I had visions of a white bedroom with brightly colored flowers all over it but it never happened. I left home almost ten years ago and the room I inhabited for six years STILL has deer heads, bull whips and rifles on the walls.

I want to give Olivia something that is hers and feminine but also cool as sliced bread! And am I projecting the "strong woman" theme a bit? 

Ummmm YEAH!!!!

Aquarium Building?

Maybe my parents didn't tell me "no" enough when I was younger or maybe I'm just too curious for my own good, but sometimes I start something and I have no idea how much it will take me over until it takes me over completely.

Granted, I will admit that many times it overtakes me for a time and then I lose interest but I like to think of it as a little bump along the road to learning and growing and discovering new interests and... well.. playing.

And I use the knowledge I have gleaned in other areas of my life.

So, it was both a surprise but not a surprise when I found myself diving head first into the world of fish and aquariums.

It started innocently enough. We decided we could get Garrett a fish tank.

He loves fish!

We take him to see the fish at Walmart all the time and when he visited his cousin who had a fish tank our fate was pretty well sealed.

So, we went to a local fish/pet store and bought two fish and a tiny half gallon Beta tank to put them in.

We got it home and I was very disappointed.

The fish just sat there in this murky water. There was no light to shine on them. It was all very dull.

So the very next day I went out and bought a 3 gallon tank with a filter and a heater (because the guy at the fish store told me that all the fish I wanted to get required a heater).



Then we went back to the fish store and bought more fish.

Of course, as it happens with all new people and their fish tanks, a fish died, then three more fish were eaten by other fish, then another fish pecked another fish to death.

The current tank

I was pretty much frantic to find out what was going on in our fish tank. I guess I was like most people who just assume you buy a couple fish, put them in a bowl of water and watch them flourish.

Over the next few days my fingers flew over my keyboard and my search engine churned out results for everything from aquarium sizes, filters, water temperatures, chemicals, plants, you name it.

I am exceptionally determined to not only keep these fish alive but see them active and happy.

Now, I'm hooked. 

I am literally dreaming of aquariums and I've already drawn up plans to make my own.. out of a toy garbage truck, no less.

And because I didn't want to clutter my new and adorable tank with heaters and filters I have researched and decided to build my own wet/dry sump refugium filter underneath of the tank.


I've got the pexiglass. The solvents are in the mail. The dremel is standing by. I'm super excited.

I might even want to make this new tank salt water and put a clown fish in it. It won't be big enough for more than one or two fish, max, but it will be adorable enough to where I don't think it will matter much.

I've learned so much already and think this is going to be another really fun adventure.

Devolving of Man

I'm only slightly addicted to a show called Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. I've actually discovered more about the mysteries of our world watching that show than any other. Strange ruins, amazing architecture, legends and stories, evidence of cultures crossing oceans long before there seemed to be the capability of doing such, etc.

Now, I believe in God. I also believe in the Great Flood and a young earth (between 6,000 and 8,000 years old). I have seen a lot of science that says carbon dating is a bunch of manure and that the pressure and heat produced by a flash world-wide Flood explains a lot of what other scientist believe took hundreds of thousands of years.

What is really interesting about this show is that the "specialists" assume that everything that cannot be explained has to be the work of some extraterrestrial beings. Either they told humans to do it, gave humans the tools to do it, imparted new knowledge or technology on humans or did the building and planning themselves.

The reason for this is because worldly science has an almost completely backward look at ancient history than the Bible does. It proposes that man evolved from nothing and has gotten more intelligent as he has gone along. What is interesting about Biblical science is that it proposes that man was created infinite and perfect and entirely capable and intelligent and that he, through sin, devolved.

Not to mention, these men lived for hundreds of years vs our pitiful 90 year lifespan. I've said it again and again, take a man like Albert Einstein, give him two lifetimes and see what kind of amazing things he could have discovered. Now, take an even more intelligent man, give him eight lifetimes and is it possible he could come up with some form of electricity? Advanced tools? A means to lift large stones? Architecture? Yeah, I'd think so.

Now, I won't even begin to say I have all of the answers. Some of the things discussed on the show are absolutely out-of-this-world incredible and not even remotely touched upon in Biblical history.  What amazes me is that we stopped at only naming seven wonders of the ancient world when, to me, there are thousands!!

The show constantly substitutes aliens for any kind of angel or deity. Are they one in the same? A rose by any other name? The Bible talks about angels as flesh and blood and places. Who knows?

Either way, it's as fascinating as fascinating can be. So much hidden history. So many questions. So many mysteries and amazing things to discover in an age where there seems to be nothing left to discover.

These kinds of questions have not served to rock my faith, only to make it that much more intriguing.

Stop the Pity Party

About three years ago I happened to be in a conversation with another woman about child-rearing. I was pregnant with my first and so it weighed on my mind. I don't remember exactly what topic we were discussing but as I told about my childhood bouncing from home to home of relatives while my parents traveled in Europe for their ministry. When I got to the part about my parents always traveling together meaning that sometimes my siblings and I would be split amongst several homes I was suddenly cut off with, "Oh, you poor thing."

Her response completely and totally took me off guard and I didn't know what to say. I had not been lamenting about my past, merely stating facts. I had not even implied that I had had a difficult childhood. In fact, the conclusion to my tale was to talk about the strength of our family and the kindness of those who took us all in while my parents travels. If you'd have asked me my opinion of the way I was raised I would tell you it was pretty good and out of the blue, for the first time in my life, I was being pitied for it.

She took my stunned silence as que to go on and said, "How horrible to be abandoned by your parents like that--to not have the stability--and to be ripped away from your siblings, too." Gasp, "You are such a strong woman to have overcome that."

More stunned silence.

I guess if you were to erase the "missionary" part my story would sound a little bit like the tale of a foster child: parents coming and going, being farmed out to relatives or the occasional stranger (to me at least), living out of a suitcase from time to time.

Horrible, awful, tragic.

Funny it took me until I was 23 to have some stranger tell me how bad I had it. If it wasn't for her I would have thought I'd had it pretty good.

Today, with the invent of Facebook, email and other instant sharing services, it seems downright impossible to keep news and articles out of view. And since I am a mother of two now I am subscribed to a couple of mom sites that share articles to make you feel guilty about seemingly relevant articles about parenting and child rearing.

I have read three articles in as many weeks blasting parents about the ways they are ruining the lives of their children. There was the article about the Mom on the cover of Time magazine and how her son will forever be scarred by his mother's selfish need to be in the spotlight. There was the article about how primitive parenting is better than modern parenting. And another about the long-term negative effects of spanking. Or there are the countless posts and tweets and blogs and blerbs from people more than happy to tell you badly you are parenting and how horribly scarred your child will be.. FOR LIFE!

Imagine being constantly told how bad you have it. Imagine being at an impressionable age and reading how horrible mothers are for not breastfeeding and finding out your mother didn't breastfeed you. Imagine constantly being bombarded by statistics saying that you will be a failure or more prone to some untoward behavior because of something your parents said or did. I'd imagine that it would only take so long before you starting wondering if you were really as screwed up as you were being told you were.

If being farmed out to other homes while my parents traveled was the worst of my life, yeah, I had it pretty easy. The truth is there are some darker events in my past as well, many of which transpired while my parents were away attending to the duties of their ministry. If they'd been home would I had been spared some hurts? Absolutely. But certainly not all. My parents were/are human. They made mistakes. But they love me and they did their best to raise me to be the best I could be. And I didn't only survive, I flourished. I'm happy. I'm loved. I got it great!

I don't blame my parents for anything bad that has happened as a result of living on this earth. You can't walk through this world without getting a little bit of its ugliness on you. If your life experience is summed up in all the parental negatives you can pin-point and sift through and point your finger at then you're going to have a pretty miserable existence indeed.

You also can't expect these doctors and psychiatrists and child-rearing experts (what the heck is that anyway?) to be infallible in their recommendations and diagnoses and statistics and theories. They are human, too, and I'm sure a few have had kids that have both suffered and succeeded with or without their parental guidance.

Instead of droning on about how badly we parents are screwing up our kids, why don't they talk about the amazing ability of individuals to overcome their environments? Instead of telling kids how horrible their lives are because of their parents, why don't they tell them it's up to them to choose whether or not they are going to let the good outweigh the bad? Pity and guilt and blame won't get anyone very far.

Sooner or later you have to stop blaming your life on your circumstances or upbringing or whatever and take responsibility for your own choices and outcome.

Loss

I don't know if it's true or not but I once heard of a a poem called "Loss" that a poet carved into a stone fountain. But before anyone could read it he chiseled out all of the words and said, "There are no words to describe loss. It cannot be spoken, only felt."

There is a deep truth to that even if the story is just that; a story.

Over the last week or so one of my good friends has been posting blogs from a woman who recently lost her twin sons at 20 weeks gestation after a few days battling for them after her water unexpectedly broke.

I did not say much about the situation. As I've said before, as extroverted as I am there are certain things that I can find no words for. Some things cannot be spoken, only felt.

I didn't intend to say much about this dear woman, Diana, as it has all been said a million times by dozens of women who know her far more than I do. But something she wrote in her two most recent blogs really touched me.

She said...

I was blessed to be able to have a hospital that let me stay earlier than 20 weeks and when they died – they were recognized. I was never made to feel .. that my struggle was in vain or silly. My children meant something there – and they let me know it.

But so many of you never got that chance. And no matter what you believe or what religion you are or aren’t – choosing to have a baby and then losing it at any stage changes you forever. To not have it recognized before a certain point is cruel and dehumanizing. My boys were born 3 days shy of 20 weeks. It makes so much of a difference every week that went by – somehow to someone they were closer to “real” and after that point, after those weeks, it was ok to grieve. And this truly bothers me.

And then she said...

The thing is – so many want to brush off women’s pain as something to do with that time of the month, hormones, pregnancy, mama bear, etc. But God made us in a different way than most men in this process. While we all grieve differently, it’s hard to grieve and let the words flow knowing that someone is going to try to diagnose or compartmentalize the way you feel. It isn’t done maliciously, ... but we have to stop doing this to each other. As Chrisians we so often feel anger is wrong or a loss of faith in God. Mine is neither. ...
I have a right to be in pain and grieve and be angry – as a woman and as a Christian....

And with that I broke into tears.
 
Just about four years ago, a few days before Christmas, after trying for months, John and I found out we were pregnant with our first child. On New Years Day we lost the baby. It broke my heart in a way I can't find words for. I suffered a deep loss.

And what drove me to a point of hurt I could even less explain was the reaction of those around me. Those who told me that if I hadn't of tested I wouldn't have known I was pregnant and therefor I would have thought my miscarriage was just a late menstrual cycle. I was treated very much like I was over reacting and that my loss was somehow minimal because.... because what? Because I hadn't gotten an ultrasound of my baby yet? Because I hadn't found out the sex? Because I hadn't named him or her? Because I didn't hold him or her in my arms as he or she died?

Do those things quantify a mother's love? Justify it? Make it any more real?

All I know is that I wanted that baby, badly. And when I learned I was pregnant I celebrated the life within me like the life it was. I talked to my baby. I told my baby he or she was loved and greatly anticipated. My husband talked to the baby as well. Then, suddenly, he or she wasn't there anymore.

That hope, that joy, that expectation... our child was gone.

And people treated me like it didn't matter. Like I was some kind of hormonal psycho. Sure, I may have gone through something sad but nothing nearly as sad as what others have had to endure.

I've never written about this because I have wondered (and often felt) like maybe everyone was right. Maybe I was just hormonal. Maybe my loss was not as great as the loss of others. Maybe my loss didn't matter as much as the loss of those who have something tangible to say goodbye to.

I have been forced to feel guilty for my grief. To feel like I should be thankful I didn't have to hold my child as he or she struggled for those last breaths. I've been forced to feel like I overreacted, made a mountain of a mole hill or that I somehow overestimated the life I lost.

That's right. I've been made to feel like I overestimated my child's life.

And this morning a woman I don't know posted something in a blog I've only read a few handful of times that seemed to give me permission to stop feeling guilty for the pain I experienced.

It was a long time ago and there has been healing and there has been joy. I have two beautiful children whom I love dearly. Though the memory of my loss has faded it has not disappeared and sometimes I wonder about my third little baby. S/he is waiting for me. That gives me comfort.

Diana will probably never read this blog. She'll probably never know how her experience, still so fresh and tragic, has helped me find some sort of post-loss peace, but she has.

I pray for her. I hope she finds the healing and peace she needs. I hope and pray she finds joy.